My Scattered Mind

In addition to today being the rallies and counter rallies and tension downtown, I’m completely distracted by the possibility of moving to Spokane, of having a real job again, the chance to build a new life for myself.  I have loved my life in Portland, but it feels like this phase is ending, that I need to be open to something new.  Since taking the contract with OHA, I’ve realized how much I put into building my business, and how much I want to keep building and growing that part of my life.  But it’s not strong enough to sustain me yet, so I’m doing what so many other people are doing – finding ways to support themselves while they pursue a dream.

I don’t want to let that go, I want it to keep growing.  I didn’t realize how much it meant to me until the radio guy came at me with a bunch of unsolicited advice and warnings.  I felt so defensive, so protective, and I realized I’ve built something worth protecting.  It’s small still, but small like a seed that’s patiently waiting for what it needs to grow.  It can hang out for a while, being a seed, sprouting very slowly, until I can let it loose into the light.

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